Hotel Dracula - nice, but does it take Aeroplan?
by Sharon Ashwood on February 18th, 2009

luggageI can see my characters getting into vacations. My werewolves would do the whole extreme outdoorsy thing, Holly would want to go to a shopping mecca, and the vampires would opt for a tour of the Paris catacombs. Monsters need vacations as much as anyone else does, and one of the huge benefits of integration into human society would be freedom of movement—also known as the right to rack up humungous, over-inflated hotel bills and deal with snippy concierges.

Tour agencies catering to the bump-in-the-night crowd would soon spring up. Transylvania package tours (Visit the homeland! See where it all began!) would quickly outnumber the Mexican sun fun vacations. Specialized airline carriers (sun-proof windows, no flights during the full moon, in-flight catering best left unexplained) would rapidly emerge.

Yet there would surely be glitches. Dealing with the passport office is a challenge at the best of times. Imagine trying to provide proof of identity when you were a peasant born in a mud-floored hut back in the middle ages. Then there’s airport security. No one but an idiot would try packing a broadsword in carry-on, but what about the fangs and claws? Are werebeasts subject to classification and quarantine as live animal cargo, or will a rabies tag suffice? Can a witch only pack mini-potions that fit in those stupid baggies?

Then there’s the danger of layovers and delays, when vampires go from tourist to luggage. As the sun comes up, the airline officials walk the winding line-ups of disgruntled travellers, issuing complimentary body bags for the vamps and coffee for their human companions. Not a pretty sight.

Still, the world holds plenty of surprises and mysteries, even if you’re millennia old, and what’s the point of an extra-long life if you can’t explore? In a world where magic literally lives next door, there’d be even more to see. Of course, this new wave of tourism would bring consequences, including publicity and endorsement deals for The Loch Ness Monster and Ogopogo. They’ve already noticed Sasquatch has his own beer commercials.


5 comments to “Hotel Dracula - nice, but does it take Aeroplan?”

  1. 1

    Oh my god, Sharon, this is too funny! In your world, can you take a photo of a vampire? If not, that would add to the passport dilemmas.

    I also think vamps would get a lot of endorsement deals. Maybe not for suntan lotion, but imagine what great testimonials they could provide for organizations like Sotheby’s: Trust me, it’s genuine; I was there when it was made. :wink:

  2. 2

    My vamps are photograph-able. I thought about the no-mirrors/no photo thing, but then the vamps would always be walking around with bad hair and make-up. Besides, I’ve always thought of them as somewhat narcissistic.

    I love the antiques authentification factor. That would turn the antiques business on its ear.

  3. 3

    vampires go from tourist to luggage

    :lol: Knowing the freight comes with fangs would definitely improve the delicacy with which baggage handlers move baggage.

  4. 4

    Mini-potions, live animal cargo, complimentary body bags…oh, Sharon, you make me laugh!

  5. 5

    Ha! I love those Sasquatch commercials! So hilarious!

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