Da Vinci’s Notebook of Failures
by Jessa Slade on February 23rd, 2009

Currently working on: The End of the World…
I mean, book
Mood: Apocalyptic

Most writers — if forced — will mention, in hushed tones, the existence of The Manuscript That Must Never See The Light of Day under their beds. Sometimes ideas don’t pan out. Sometimes imagination can’t overcome cold, hard reality. Sometimes the Muse was just smoking crack.

Happens to the all of us. Even Da Vinci, though his publicist fought tooth and nail to prevent the distribution of the following pages for fear of torpedoing the sequel to the best-selling The Da Vinci Code — The Da Vinci Diet.

Da Vinci’s Notebook of Failures was discovered in the back of his closet, which — after under the bed — is the third favorite hiding place for failed creative works. The most popular locale for spectacular failures continues to be YouTube.

Plate 17

Eating on the run has been an issue for the ages, but Da Vinci’s “downhill hibachi” never caught on. Perhaps because it caught fire with disturbing frequency. Though never deciphered, the text in the upper left hand corner is believed to finally resolve the identity of the Mona Lisa.

Plate 32

Prior to the downhill hibachi debacle, Da Vinci had toyed with the “chicken coop hat” . Beta testers weren’t too psyched with the inevitable deposits, although Da Vinci attempted to repurpose the streaking as “racing stripes.” The concept was eventually abandoned when adding fire to the hat in an attempt to hard-boil the chicken’s eggs proved disastrous. Rumor has it, the design had military applications, which seems unlikely at best.

Plate 119

Although he later decried the invention and attempted to destory all extant prototypes, a ancient secret cadre of assassin/nun/snackfood makers apparently escaped with the plans. Recreations of Da Vinci’s “gravity beer bong” now resurge cyclically around the completion of final exams at institutions of higher learning. Proof that even bad ideas can have their time to shine.

So what’s your best bad idea? Or maybe you had a “friend” with a bad idea you’d like to ridicule… er, revise here. And remember, there is no bad idea that lighter fluid, a match and a video camera can’t make even worse.

5 comments to “Da Vinci’s Notebook of Failures”

  1. 1

    [...] See the newly discovered pages from a heretofore lost notebook at Silk And Shadows. [...]

  2. 2

    Home remedies for the garden never cease to amaze me. My mother has a steadfast belief in the efficacy of garlic. Wandering dogs? Crushed garlic will keep them away. Vagrants? Garlic. Pests? Garlic. The house smells vaguely like a pizzeria. I was standing on the front walk when a man came by walking his dog and asked, “What’s all this garlic about? Does the lady who lives here have a thing about vampires? It always seems to happen around the full moon …” And there I was, trying to keep a straight face. “No,” says I. “She only reads non-fiction.” But if there was any doubt I am her daughter ….

  3. 3

    Hilarious post, Jessa. Based on these notes, no one could accuse da Vinci of playing it safe.

    I still remember a scene from the movie Ever After: Da Vinci helps the Drew Barrymore character escape a locked storeroom by pulling the pins out of the hinges and yanking the door open. When one of the awestruck servants proclaims him a genius, he grins and says “Yes! I’ll shall go down in history as the man who opened a door.”

  4. 4

    :shock: Well, it’s good to know even geniuses have their stranger than fiction days.

    What was my worst idea? Probably trying to do a blog! LOL

  5. 5

    You calling the gravity bong a failure is
    The test of time
    His legacy endures
    Trust me, it was a goot idea.

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